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Devotional

Anxiety to Trust: Becoming My Father’s Daughter

April 21, 2018

The adrenaline rush jolted me into an internal frenzy. My heart was palpitating. Suddenly I felt dizzy. I thought for sure I’d faint. I didn’t know if I was having a heart attack or what. As all of this was going through my head, my fingers were typing at the keyboard and I had a client in front of me. I couldn’t take it any longer. I needed to escape. I excused myself and walked as quickly as I could to the office right next to mine. I told my coworker what I was feeling. She said it sounded like I was having an anxiety attack, to sit down, take deep breaths, and that it would pass in a few minutes.

Those minutes were agonizing. And the next several days even more so. I went to the ER two days in a row convinced something was dreadfully wrong, only to be told I was physically fine. But I was far from fine. For the first week, I couldn’t sleep because my heart was pounding out of my chest. That coupled with all sorts of scary thoughts bombarding my mind were pure torment. I didn’t want to leave my home or be alone. I lost 15 pounds in those two weeks due to loss of appetite and digestive issues. I’ve been through some tough days and nights, but those two weeks were a dark night of the soul for me. The only thing I could do was cry out to God and desperately wait for relief.

This month marks the one-year anniversary of that anxiety attack. I had subsequent anxious days following but they were less intense, yet no less despairing and paralyzing. The anxiety attack was triggered at work but it was really uncovering years of fear, mental abuse, stuffed emotions, and the loss of major relationships. All the yuck from the past was taking too much space in my soul, affecting my body as well. I hadn’t fully offered all the pain from my past to God to move into freedom. I bottled it all up until it had no recourse but to find a way out. And that’s when anxiety reared its ugly head.

I came from a loving but enmeshed family. Fear was the silent dictator. It caused us to live isolated lives. All we had was each other and the unhealthy bond was hard to break. Our trust was in our family unit. It was as if we were one instead of four individuals. Much of my loyalty to my family stemmed from being raised by mami and papi, my maternal grandparents. They chose me, rescued me, and raised me. And I loved them for it. Since they were older parents, ailing health required around the clock care in their later years, which I did at home, with the help of my older sister until she became ill herself.

After losing mami, papi, and a healthy relationship with my sister, the sheltered life I was used to was no more. I stepped into an unfamiliar territory of making my own decisions. I walked out stripped of my identity as a caretaker for fifteen years but carrying burdens of loss and pain deep within me.

God was gracious to give me three years of much needed rest after that season of my life came to a close. So there I was—physically free from but still a captive to my painful past. And God knew it was time to face it. But in order for me to face it, I’d have to see its effects. And it wasn’t pretty.

When gold is put through the refining fire dross comes to the surface. That’s what happens to us when our faith is tested. Like, whoa! That was in there? 1 Peter 1:7 says, Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire. And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed. (CEV)

This past year tested what I was made of. I thought I was doing well. But anxiety was the waste material produced and buried within and it was pointing to something deeper still. Trust issues. More specifically, my trust in God.

I had to face the hard question of who or what I have been putting my trust in. Some folks put their trust in relationships, others in money, in careers, in the government, in their carefully planned life, or in themselves. For so many years, the trinity I bowed down to was my family. My fear of displeasing or losing my family superseded my reverence of God.

 All of us want to put our faith in something trustworthy—with a good track record, right? And we can’t trust something we don’t know. Trust is usually built over time. I realized I wasn’t consistently cultivating my trust in God.

I was so close to my earthly father that it nearly replaced my relationship with God as my Father—which simply put, is idolatry. We may not even know that that’s what we’re doing! But I know that anything that attempts to supplant God enthroned in our heart is an idol. I’ve had to identify these idols and consciously admit their primacy before my trust in God. Our relationship with God should fuel our love for one another not our adoration of one another.

When we put all our hope in another, we also place burdensome expectations on them. And when they fail us, we become frustrated or heartbroken. And without an anchoring relationship with God, we can be tossed to and fro when relationship storms hit us. Some of these storms can be rejection, abandonment, loss or abuse.

God wants to reveal Himself as our Father—one that would never disappoint us or leave us. Many of us have had earthly mothers or fathers who didn’t choose us or keep us. But the beauty of our relationship with God is that He chose us!

3 Every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm has already been lavished upon us as a love gift from our wonderful heavenly Father, the Father of our Lord Jesus—all because he sees us wrapped into Christ. This is why we celebrate him with all our hearts! 4 And he chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe! Because of his great love, he ordained us, so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence. 5–6 For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace—for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!

(Ephesians 1:3-6, The Passion Translation)

 We were chosen by God, we’re a delight to Him, and He loves us the same as He loves Jesus! That’s quite a heart and mind blower. I want to trust His ‘tremendous love’ and fully experience what a relationship with Him as my Father looks like.

In choosing us, God the Father adopted us to become part of His family. The cost to adopt us wasn’t monetary as some adoptions entail, it was the offering of One life for many. God saw our need for a family. He looked at the earth full of spiritual orphans. God choosing us didn’t end there. Jesus redeems us and the Holy Spirit empowers us. Each member of the Godhead is involved in our life. They are now our family and we can’t lose them or be snatched from their embrace.

Anxiety is a captor that suffocates us with lies. It tells us that there’s no hope, that terrible things will happen, and that we’ll remain where we are. But Jesus’ death is the key that opens the door that takes us from that whirlwind of tormenting darkness into a relationship with God, the Father of lights. We are not alone or forgotten. God Himself offered the precious way to His heart, the truth that sets us free, and the life we desperately need.

This past year, God wasn’t necessarily showing me ways to overcome the anxiety. Methods and tools to overcome it are useful but temporary if the root issue isn’t addressed. God was teaching me to trust Him despite my circumstances. There was a shift of focus from the pain and effects of my past to His love and trustworthiness.

I also recently discovered that for a long time I was responding to God the way I had responded to those who hurt me. I lost trust, intimacy, and safety with them, which caused me to withdraw emotionally. I ran away from connecting with people for fear of pain. And that had carried into how I related to God. I kept Him at a distance as well, not enjoying the full potential of our relationship.

I’m learning to take walks with my Father, listen to His heart, talk things over, and to trust all the beautiful plans He has for our future. And when I look back on my past I want to focus on the marks of God’s presence not on the pain.

I hope you’ll decide to take walks with Him too.

Devotional

Leaves of Stone

November 20, 2017

I decided to get a little exercise in by raking a trillion leaves that we clearly didn’t make time for. They were still rather damp from the rains from a few days back, so the raking was more difficult with the added weight.

As I began raking the hoarded autumn leaves from our back stairs, I noticed how they covered the water drain, not allowing the rain to fall through. The rain just seeped into the leaves themselves, and slowly made its way down.

I began to rake the yard. It was too much to gather all the leaves in one area so I made three mounds and added leaves nearby to each mound.

And then it hit me. Hard. I began to think about all the layers I’ve allowed to cover my heart. Layers of burdens – shame, regret, pain, fear, anxiety. They laid on the soil of my heart and it was heavy.

As I raked the leaves and added them to the mounds, it was as if I was placing my layers at the altar before the Lord. I couldn’t see all the layers and layers, year after year, anxiety upon fear, fear upon regret, regret upon pain, and pain upon shame. As I kept raking, I kept uncovering the truth.

One mound for the Father.

One mound for the Son.

One mound for the Holy Spirit.

As I raked the leaves, I also found broken branches.

I made a heap for the sticks and mounds for the leaves. Leaves that became heavy, burdensome stones. Stones that covered my heart – making it cold and inaccessible. So now I had sticks and I had stones and a bunch of hurts I needed to name.

Oh Lord! Dig through the layers of these leaves of stones on my weary heart and heal me. Show me the hope you have for me. I know that there’s life underneath all these layers of dying – with your love, through your blood, by your power.

Death was gripping my heart, not allowing me to live – to breathe.

There it was for me to see. The layers I’d accumulated over my life that covered my heart. Clear as day.

But deep inside, under the layers, is a heart of flesh.

God will make it right.

And as I write, the wind outside is strong enough to lift the dry, lifeless, falling leaves, enabling a few of them to knock at my window looking for a home.

But I won’t let them in.

It’s time for the northerly winds to scatter them away.

But the leaves will continue to fall and I vow to catch them before they get too comfortable with me.

And so I wait, grasping at hope. Expecting to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

And I lift my hand and give them to God one by one.

Devotional

The Feminine Plural

February 27, 2017

Many women feel less than, as if they lack something that will give them value. They may be estranged from their family, single or divorced, abused, infertile, lonely, or voiceless. They compare themselves to other women or men around them and all they can see is what they don’t have. But what if God’s intention for women is abundance in all the expected areas of life – family, intimacy, fruitfulness, friendship, and purpose, but only if she was willing to receive it in an unexpected way.

EVERY woman is capable of being a feminine plural.

EVERY woman is called to be a daughter, a wife, a mother, and a sister.

God has purposely chosen women to be a representation of the fullness of God. Just as He named Eve, the mother of all living – abundance is inherent in the makeup of a woman. She was designed to carry seed and produce life and live purposefully. A woman’s God-given heritage is waiting to be re-claimed.

Women —your fulfillment is in being ALL that God has created you to be. And that fulfillment is found in the company of the Triune God and His love for you.

Not in having an earthly family, but in being accepted in the Beloved.

Not in marrying a man, but in setting yourself apart to be the bride of Christ.

Not in having babies, but in birthing the Word of God from your spiritual womb.

Not in being liked or followed, but in denying your self and uplifting others.

Not in being a worldly success, but in living out your Spirit-driven purpose.

Family, marriage, pregnancy, community, and worldly success are earthly shadows of kingdom principles that are not yet fully manifested in their glorious state. Not all women will experience these conventional or expected norms, but the mystery is that abundant life can still be grasped. Who can ignore the distant echo of Jesus’ words reverberating down generations, The kingdom of God is within you.

Every woman has the potential to be all that she was made to be in the here and now. And its varied forms can happen all at once or in different seasons of a woman’s life. There is no need for jealousy or envy. God has given every woman the capacity to overflow in abundance.

EVERY woman can be a daughter — I will be a father to you. {2 Corinthians 6:18}

Some women have been adopted as children or have been in the foster care system, abused, rejected, neglected, or abandoned by their parents, victims of divorce, orphaned by disease, death, war or drugs. Simply put, some women feel alone and cry out for acceptance.

And from the deepest reserve of His love, God’s voice whispers, You, my dear child, are my daughter. I have chosen you. I knew you before you were knit in the womb. You have always belonged to me. Father, Son and Spirit are your dependable family and refuge.

EVERY woman can be a wife —Thy maker is thy husband. {Isaiah 54:5}

Jesus is calling every woman to be His bride – to an intimate spiritual relationship. She will be cherished, honored, empowered, fruitful, and safe. Jesus will meet a woman’s every need and transform her if she gives her self wholly to Him.

And He says, Come, come sweet bride. Listen to the gentle whispers of my love for you. I will comfort your aching, longing heart, and prepare it to receive. The secret of the depth of our fellowship is time. Set aside time every day to talk with me and I will reveal my secrets to you.

EVERY woman can be a mother — For more are the children of the desolate woman than the married wife. {Isaiah 54:1}

Once a woman has decided to give her heart to Jesus, the result of their union is abundant life. She will become a fruitful garden. He will tend to her and cause the North Wind to blow out her fragrance into the lives of the people around her.

As the seeds of God’s word are planted in her spiritual womb, the voice of Jesus whispers, The excess of my love will spill out for others through you. And you will comfort and care for my wounded children and you will feed the hungry – these are fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers. I have bundles of joy for you.

EVERY woman can be a sister — She had a sister who sat at the Lord’s feet. {Luke 10:39}

Surrendered women have a dynamic, personal assistant in the Holy Spirit. He reveals the deepest mysteries of Jesus. In silence and stillness, make time each day to listen and focus on the words and work of God. In yielding yourself, the Holy Spirit will be your influencer, your mentor, your teacher, your revealer, and your reminder. Strengthened by the Spirit you bandage, you carry, and you love your wearied, broken sisters.

And the gentle whisper of Jesus says, Be that sister who sits at the Lord’s feet. Be the sister who has loads of love and encouragement, the sister who edifies, the sister who teaches her sisters to seek the Lord with all their heart.

EVERY woman can have a purpose ­– You have come to your position for such a time as this. {Esther 4:14}

God makes everything beautiful in its time. All our sufferings are used for good. Some women feel like they’re permanent residents of a wasteland of buried dreams but God has a plan for each woman – confronting her past with her future to bring forth a dynamic now. You may be in a season of suffering or a season of waiting or a season of intimacy. But these are all leading to the revelation of your unique purpose.

And Christ whispers, Come with me, walk with me. Let’s hold hands. My visible scars will remind you I understand your brokenness. I will wipe your tears away in the company of my faithful love for you. I have wonderful plans for you – for us. Set your eyes on eternity – on me, and do not look back. Do not be afraid of your future. I am there.

My prayer for you, dear sister, is that God will empty your heart of regret, pain, loss, the shadow of death, loneliness, barrenness, and dreams deferred to make room for the fullness of God.

Embrace your feminine plurality. Abundance is yours!

Devotional

Are you living a distracted life?

January 17, 2017

I need this year to be radically different than last year or the year before. If I’m not willing to hone in on the one thing I desire, I’ll never achieve it. Over the years I’ve been distracted by pain, fear, anxiety, and certain relationships. I’ve voluntarily been robbed of my time.

Everything can’t have my attention. And I can’t allow the master deceiver to steal it from me any longer. My number one goal for this year is an even deeper intimacy with Jesus. My relationship with Him will not grow if I don’t make a concerted effort to focus on Him and what He is saying to me. And it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take time, vision, determination, and sacrifice.

In optics (film or photography) you can focus on a person or object while everything around it is blurred. As radical as this may sound, that’s what I must do. To focus will require that I blur out other things. It doesn’t eradicate them from existence; I’ll just have to choose not to give my attention, either for a period of time or indefinitely, to the circus of activity trying to distract me. It isn’t enough to say yes to your dream. Saying no to other things is just as important.

Do you live a distracted life? Are you giving too much or all of your attention to activities, people, or thoughts that are holding you back from fulfilling your purpose? I want to encourage you to do a soul inventory.

  • What dream have you been holding hostage?
  • What is distracting you from working on it?
  • What are you willing to give up to achieve it?
  • Who are you surrounding yourself with?
  • What are you doing with your time?

What will you use your time for this year? Below is an acronym of what focus will mean for me this year. Personalize the acronym to reflect your focus and print it out as a reminder.

Here’s to staying focused! Cheers {raising and clinking my coffee cup with yours}!

  1. Fearless: I will allow God’s perfect love to cast out all fear.
  2. Open Eyes: I will seek clarity from the Holy Spirit.
  3. Consistency: I will spend time every day on my focus.
  4. Undivided: I will give my all to Jesus.
  5. Simplicity: I will eliminate distractions.
Devotional

10 Keys to Spiritual Creativity

January 9, 2017

Many of us think that being a ‘creative’ is about self-expression. I’m here to ruffle a few feathers and challenge that long held view. Over the years I’ve come to believe that living a truly creative life isn’t at all about us. Unless we’re willing to take our ‘selves’ out of the equation, the path of pure creativity cannot flow through us.

Creativity is a spiritual process. Thoughts, inspirations, and dreams find their way into our inner being. But how do they get there? I believe creative ideas come from one of two places in the spiritual realm. The source and motive behind them is what distinguishes life-giving creativity from corrupting creativity.

God is the first and unsurpassed ‘creative.’ Our creative pursuits should always spring from Him not ourselves or other sources. We are spiritual vessels to be used by God for His purposes. If God has a purpose for each of our lives, He also has a unique and creative plan tailored just for us. He alone knows how our life journey will also weave into someone else’s path.

The creativity given us should uplift humanity in some way; build it up, not tear it down. It should cause us to seek higher spiritual pursuits and not temporal pleasures. If what we create causes another to live an ordinary or shackled life, then our contribution is of no value. Freeing the human soul from the clutches of carnality should be our highest creative aim. And we have to trust that God has a storehouse of imaginative ways to reach each individual.

When I was in art school some of the exercises we did entailed drawing or painting whatever came to us. We used our hands and brushes as physical tools of deliberate expression. Writers do it too with free writing. God wants to use us the same way, special tools in His hand to create majestic works of art that transform the human spirit for eternity. But we have to be willing to let go and allow the Spirit of creativity to direct us.

We have to let go of what we think we know in order to be filled with what we don’t know. We have to drain our soul of our ‘selves’ and ‘our’ ideas about God to be filled with deeper revelations of God’s heart and His desires for us.

Some years ago God questioned the motivation behind what I did. Why do you do what you do? If we want our creative pursuits to matter, we have to be willing to question our motives. We have to be willing to lay down our desire for self-expression just for the sake of expression, the desire for fame or validation, and the desire for fortune. Those motives stain the purity of spiritual creativity.

Revelation 3:8 contains a message to the church in Philadelphia, which in Greek means ‘brotherly love’.

‘These things says He who is holy, He who is true, “He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens”: “I know your works. See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name.

Over the years I’ve thought about creativity, God, and our unique purposes while living our one life on this earth. I’ve collected a few spiritual keys to a creative life that honor God and uplift our fellow sojourners.

  1. FAITH: It all starts with believing in God’s majestic grandeur – His omnipresence, omnipotence, and omniscience. His infinite creative power and imagination is beyond our comprehension. God’s thoughts are higher than our wildest dreams. If he deposits an idea in us and we try to flesh it out without His help, it’ll probably remain stagnant. If we put our trust in His dynamic ability to reveal His deep reservoir of creativity, He’ll gift us with unique ways of expressing His truths.
  2. FOLLOW: When we consistently follow the Word of God, our life will be created. We are to be followers of Jesus – the Word of God. Without Him we can do nothing and with Him all things are possible. Jesus created us and everything we see and everything we don’t. When we truly follow Jesus as our Lord and Savior, He offers us the gifts of His divine fullness. He is everything we need and even more than we could ever imagine.
  3. FELLOWSHIP: Who but the Spirit of God is able to reveal the secret things of God? Let us fully surrender to the leading and teaching of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a person, not some energy or force. He is our ally, our teacher, and our comforter. Let us become one in spirit and the shadow of the Holy Spirit. Say what He says and do what He tells us to do. But we have to take the time to fellowship with the Spirit and listen to that still small voice that searches the deep things of God and reveals them to those who are in pursuit.
  4. LOVE: Putting others first is the essence of love. When we die to self it opens the door to creativity because we’re willing to lose in order to gain. You can only fill an empty container. When our hearts are aligned with God’s, then our life’s purpose will undoubtedly include serving others. Our creative endeavors should always lean toward depositing life into another and always naming that life ‘God.’
  5. GRATITUDE: Being thankful opens the heart and hand of God to His endless bounty. God so loves it when we are grateful for all that He is and all He has done for us. Greed just fills us with corruptible things, leaving no room for the eternal. When we loose our grip on earthly things, we open our hearts and minds to receive God’s treasures.
  6. INTEGRITY: We must be the same person when we’re around others and when no one is looking. That’s the mark of a person of integrity. God needs to be able to trust us with the gems of His heart and to carry through to completion the purpose He’s planned for us.
  7. HUMILITY: Having a teachable spirit opens us up to God’s endless imaginings. If you think you know it all then you’re not being receptive to the enchanting thoughts of God. Acknowledge your weakness before God and His strength and He will send dreams, stories, songs, paintings and all sorts of goodies to your heart.
  8. PURSUE: Being a truth-seeker will lead you to God’s wisdom. Those who seek do find. Those who ask are given. And to those who knock, doors will be opened. Wisdom is saying or doing or not saying and not doing the best thing at the right time. Without God’s wisdom creativity loses its strength to transform.
  9. FORGIVE: Without letting go and forgiving those that have wronged us, we cannot plant seeds of inspiration in our spirits. We need to be a garden ready for God’s perfect ponderings not a field of bitter roots. Forgiveness is at the heart of God’s ways. It’s not enough to be like-minded, we must be like-hearted to be co-creators.
  10. RECYCLE: Surrendered souls have stories that God can use. We must be willing for God to use our suffering for the benefit of another. God can recycle our pain and birth a purpose out of it. Nothing we have experienced in our lives is wasted with God. He heals our wounds, comforts our hearts, and strengthens us to be a soothing balm for others. We must tell the story together, sing the song together, and display His goodness and loving-kindness together.

It is my desire that our creative journey will take us straight to the chamber of God’s heart. It is there that we will find the unique ways of expressing His love for the world. It was His love that created us for good works and I know He longs to embrace us and release His dreams into our spirit like a breath of life for us all.

Devotional

Deep is the Mystery of Intimacy

January 7, 2017

There is an endless cacophony of noise and voices entering our minds and hearts on a daily basis influencing us. Much of that is out of our control. But what if we deliberately chose to sit and hear from God himself.

My spirit has been yearning to enter into an even deeper intimacy with Jesus. I want to hear more of what His Spirit wants to share. But I know I’ll need to do some specific things for our relationship to flourish. It’s going to take time, focus and surrender. And I know I will have to sacrifice some things but what I expect to get in return will be worth the sacrifice.

When our spirit is silent and expectant our hearts are shaken to life. Sometimes I stretch forth my physical hands and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I get on my knees and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I pace around the room and sometimes I just stand still. It’s more a posture of the heart that God notices. He’s looking for someone that’s humbled in His presence, ready to listen and receive rather than quick to speak.

This intimacy is still such a mystery to me. And I believe it’s hard for some because it requires us to let go and trust.

But I truly believe the Spirit of God wants to whisper secrets from the heart of Jesus. On New Year’s Eve I received a gentle whisper that had my heart fluttering and my imagination dancing. It gave me a sneak peek of what we can expect from a deeper relationship with Jesus.

A Midnight Whisper from the Spirit

Wedding bells are ringing, wooing the bride of Christ.

At the midnight hour her heart is being prepared.

She will meet Him at dawn to begin a divine romance.

He will sweep her off her feet into the heavenlies.

Her first dance of true love with the Father will have the angels in awe.

The Son will then take His bride and show her His mansions.

Each day they will discover a hidden treasure together.

They will open new doors together;

enter into deeper rooms of revelations.

His heart will unlock rooms holding mysteries so deep,

her breath will be taken away.

There will be a library of books filled with words of love for His bride.

They will eat fruit baskets of grace and truth.

And He will take her to the throne room of mercy – a room of never-ending love and intimacy.

These are a couple of books I recommend that aided my intimacy journey with Jesus:

Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge

Desperately Deep by Lana Vawser

Devotional

Breaches

June 27, 2016

Abandoned homes are a sore sight – boarded windows, overgrown grass, missing doors. And when a home is abandoned it becomes susceptible to breaches. Obviously this happens because the house is not maintained and looked after. Certain areas become weak over time and simply fall apart, forming entryways for unwanted guests and pests. The damage can be costly and devastating.

Sometimes the damage can be repaired and sometimes it can’t and the only option is to tear down and rebuild. If only someone had taken the time for maintenance. Most likely the damage could have been prevented.

This can be the case with our lives and our relationships.

According to good ole’ Webster, a breach is …

  1. infraction or violation of a law, obligation, tie, or standard
  2. (a) a broken, ruptured, or torn condition or area; (b) a gap (as in a wall) made by battering
  3. (a) a break in accustomed friendly relations; (b) a temporary gap in continuity: hiatus
  4. a leap especially of a whale out of water

I believe that we are walking temples that need constant care in body, soul, and spirit. And all to often we experience signs of spiritual dehydration due to our wanton wandering. We’ve walked away from truth, from God, from covenants, from our callings, and from the destiny of our true selves.

If we fail to pause, reflect, and choose new thoughts and behaviors, not only will we suffer but those around us will as well. Taking care of our temple, what’s inside, and what it surrounds itself with is not only our right but our duty.

Breaches affect our identities, our spiritual, physical, and mental health, our relationships, our churches, our cities, and our nations. Whether we’re trying to avoid or repair a breach the following four power points can help put some focus on the areas to work on.

To avoid breaches we need upkeep.

Good maintenance demands nutrition, rest, and prayer. The first two can be understood from a physical and a spiritual perspective. If we don’t take care of ourselves physically through diet, exercise, and sleep, we will not function at our optimal best and at worst, can become ill. And if we don’t take care of ourselves spiritually through an intimate relationship with God we’re setting ourselves up for a breakdown that can affect the soul (mind, will, and emotions) and the body.

To avoid breaches we need integrity.

God requires truth in the inward parts. Embracing truth keeps you sound. Lies cause division and confusion. Without truth it’s impossible to have integrity. Our integrity is guided by moral principles. And for integrity to take root we need to be consistent in godly thoughts and behaviors when we are around people and when we are by ourselves. Being a man or woman of integrity gains trust and builds and maintains solid relationships.

To avoid breaches we need security.

Someone or something is constantly influencing our minds and hearts. Either we take charge or we’ll be taking in whatever the world throws at us. Choosing what are five senses will be allowed to entertain is crucial. What we focus on will form us. Knowing what we stand for and what we want our life to be about is key. If it doesn’t line up with our principles and life goals let’s shut the door. If we are not proactive with the life we want to live, others will most definitely determine it for us. That includes our beliefs, our for-life partners, our friendships, and our callings.

To avoid breaches we need humility.

Humble hearts have followed their Master, leaned their head against His shoulder, and washed His feet with their tears. We need to humble ourselves before God and each other in a spirit of peace and forgiveness. This is the doozy because it goes straight against the human ego to be right, to be in control of our lives, and to feel a sense of superiority. Having a teachable spirit is a major key to receiving God’s wisdom.

Abandoned dwellings are a waste. But if they’re still standing there’s always hope for repair, for rebuilding, for disposing and replacing. There’s also hope for those who have breaches in their personal lives and relationships. Isaiah 61:4 says, And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations and they shall repair the former cities, desolations of many generations.

It’s time to repair the breaches and rebuild our lives!

Devotional

Write Your Story Again

June 16, 2016

As I was studying Jeremiah 36:1-32, I realized how encouraging this Bible passage could be to aspiring writers and storytellers. Many writers struggle with telling their personal stories, myself included, especially with how much of it to tell. What may help with that is a matter of perspective. Our stories are a vehicle used to tell the bigger story.

What’s the bigger story? The redemptive story of God’s love for us.

In writing our stories, we tell God’s grander story over again. We cease to be the main character of our own story. That can alleviate some of the mental and emotional pressure associated with telling our stories.

At some point or another, we’ve asked ourselves if our stories are worth telling and how much of it to tell, and most irking, if we should air our dirty laundry. Every story with a greater purpose is worth telling. And the dirt will always be there. Telling the story of love necessitates it. Being a crafty writer will help with how it’s told.

The prophet Jeremiah was instructed by the LORD to take a roll of a book and write all the words He had spoken to him against Israel and Judah, and against all the nations from the time of the current king’s father’s reign.

I know what you’re thinking! God’s words spoken against Israel, Judah and the nations? How can this story be of encouragement to a writer? Hang tight with me a little longer! God’s hope was that in retelling his words of judgment they would turn from their evil ways so that he could forgive them. God was basically saying, This is what’s going to happen if you don’t stop all the evil you’re doing, but if you do stop, I’ll forgive you.

Jeremiah obeyed and had Baruch the scribe write down all the words God spoke to him. He then instructed Baruch to go and read the words written in the roll to the people in the LORD’s house. Did you catch that? The LORD’s house! He was talking to the people of faith on a fasting day. You know, like the folk going to church who are really not being churchy. Now, non-churchy folks weren’t off the hook either. Baruch was to read it to all of Judah as they came out of their cities. The scope of ears to hear was wide.

After the reading of the rolls to all the people of Jerusalem and to all who came from the cities of Judah, three antagonists surfaced in this story –Michaiah, Jehudi, and King Jehoiakim. Michaiah was the first snitch that went to tell the princes, Jehudi was sent by the princes to fetch Baruch the scribe so he could read the roll to them, and the princes went to the king and told him all that it said. The king had Jedudi fetch the roll and he read it in front of the king and princes.

What did the king do? He had the roll thrown in a fire on a hearth burning before him. And no one was afraid of what had been done. No one flinched at this assault against God’s words.

The story hasn’t ended but I want to share a few points we can take away from this passage in preparation for telling our own stories.

Be obedient to God’s word to you no matter what.

Baruch was asked by the princes, “Tell us now, how did you write all these words—at his instruction?” (v.17) Baruch simply answered, “He proclaimed with his mouth all these words to me, and I wrote them with ink in a book.” (v.18)

It’s that plain. There’s no need to complicate this one. Our story can only take shape when we start telling it. But also let’s be patient with ourselves. It may take us some time to tell our story. Sometimes we have to let the tears run, wait, wipe away the tears, and extract deeper meaning from our experiences. But eventually it should be told.

Let’s trust that he who began a good work in us will complete it if we stay the process of living and telling.

Not all of our words will be hopeful but they can be helpful.

Jeremiah and Baruch were obedient to God’s command to write His words in a roll of a book. Sometimes what needs to be said isn’t pretty but God’s grace always precedes his judgment. In this passage, the judgment had not occurred. It was a warning. That’s God’s grace.

Like God’s words of judgment, our stories will not be told with exclusively flowery, fragrant words. Some of our words will be like picking at scabs. Some may not be ready to hear our words. But for some, our words will be timely and that’s why we need to tell our stories.

Every day that we have lived is a necessary thread in our story. The joys, the births, the sufferings, the deaths, even the dirt and the shame. Let’s not stuff them in our mental or heart closet forever. After we have processed our pains and weaknesses, let’s pull those memories out, dust them off and use them for good.

You will have opposition but you can’t be defeated.

Many will try to silence us in an attempt to subvert our story. This is what happened when the king burned the scroll. The enemy is afraid of the content of our stories because our stories will always have God as the protagonist and the victor. He doesn’t want God to get the glory. But God’s footprints and handprints will be seen in the journey of our lives when we tell our story.

Due to the content of what was written in the roll, the princes advised Jeremiah and Baruch to hide themselves. Sure enough, the king wanted them found but God hid them from the king. The Bible asserts over and over that He is our refuge despite the circumstances around us. Let’s be at peace with our story and the telling of it even when we feel the heat around us.

You will have advocates that will protect your story.

Only three made intercession to the king to not have the roll burned but he refused to listen. Those three were El-nathan (Hebrew: gift of God), Delaiah (Hebrew: freed by Jehovah), and Gemariah: (Hebrew: accomplishment). The meaning of their names alone is inspiring.

But our biggest advocates are God the father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. These three are really all we need. They will inspire us, teach us, and guide us, so that we may tell our stories.

Our stories can be a token of peace or a balm for a troubled or hurting heart. There is not one day in our lives that’s a waste, if we tell it in light of the bigger story.

Never stop telling your story over and over again.

The passage in Jeremiah ended with God instructing the prophet with these words, “Take yet another scroll, and write on it all the former words that were in the first scroll which Jehoiakim the king of Judah has burned.” (v.28) Not only did God ask him to write it again, he even added many like words.

As I was reading this in Jeremiah, it was as if God was saying, Listen, what I told you before stands! Many will try to do away with my word, burn them like the rolls written by Baruch but write them again and I will add even more for you to write.

Our story doesn’t end until God says it ends. As long as we have breath, let’s write it and keep writing it!

Devotional

An Unlikely Tribe

January 15, 2016

I recently attended a meeting at work with two judges, one prosecutor, one defense attorney, and two probation officers. They were telling the federal offender population I serve about a Second Chance program which offers them a support team comprised of the aforementioned individuals who would meet with them every two weeks for about a year and provide guidance and resources to aid their reintegration into society after incarceration. Their allies would be composed of unexpected people.

At first mention, the offenders were suspicious of the group members. After all, aren’t they the ones that pointed the finger, convicted them, and locked them up? Well now, that’s a matter of perspective. This is where we would have to throw our biases out the window and take a risk. If we play the blame game and refuse to budge, we’ll probably rule out potential supporters.

We can choose to surround ourselves with folk who will propel us forward or with those who will say what we want to hear and remain stuck. We need people that will challenge our faulty thinking and steer us in the right direction. We need a fellowship of people that believe in our capacity to change and succeed.

And if we want real and lasting change, we need persistence. We need accountability. We need good examples around us. Especially if we’ve been going around in circles for a long time.

We need people who will teach us that sometimes we have to face the consequences and that it won’t be pretty. We need cheerleaders who will encourage us to keep going even if we get snagged, veer the wrong way, or just plain fall flat on our faces. We need people who will not give up on us when we’re giving up on ourselves.

And once we’re strong enough and become who we hope to be, we must become part of a tribe for someone else. We owe it to each other. Because along the way, we’ve all crossed paths with people who have lifted us up, who have shaken us awake, and who have loved us hard.

Let’s pick an unlikely tribe to walk our journey with us and if we’re feeling adventurous, we’ll let them pick us. Either way, it’s really not about what we want, it’s about what we need. And let’s not be quick to rule people out of our inner circle. When you expect the unexpected you invite a secret array of colorful people to surround you. That is your tribe.

Devotional

The Black Oxford

November 1, 2015

This isn’t about a shoe or the woven dress shirt fabric or even about an African American presence at Oxford University. It’s about an apple. Not your ordinary grocery store apple but a classic. The Black Oxford is a purple-skinned, white-freckled heirloom apple, as vintage as one can get. At first glance it looks like a plum. It’s roots go back 225 years. It was born in 1790 in Paris, Maine during a time when backyard orchards were commonplace.

What makes this particular apple special is its longevity. Nowadays you buy a fresh apple and it’ll last you 2-4 weeks in a pantry before turning to mush. Not the Black Oxford. It can keep for more than six months in a cool dark place at the right temperature with enough humidity. I certainly didn’t know an apple variety could be preserved naturally for that long.

Many of the New England orchards with these old apple trees need to be hunted down. You may want to talk to an old farmer who may be able to point you in the right direction. Once you find one you’ll want to remove a strip of live bark from those 100 or so year old trees and graft it into a healthy tree to resurrect that treasure of a fruit.

The story of the Black Oxford reminds me of another story involving a vintage fruit from a forgotten land. I see flashbacks of an abandoned garden filled with trees but no one is left to till it or eat from it. Distant echoes brush past me leaving me unsettled, cold, and naked. “Where are you?” reverberates in my soul. The past pulls me back for a few seconds and then returns me to the present with urgency. As if it’s counting on me to change something.

This time around it can be different. It has to be. We have to refuse to bite into just any apple. We should be done with modern, short-lived ideologies that try desperately to trump truth. We should be done with lies.

It’s time to search for the tree that produces precious, unadulterated fruit. Organic, deeply-rooted, mature and healthy. That tree of life. The one guarded by the cherubim. That very one that would allow us to live forever.

We bite into the fruit of that tree to be made whole because we’re an untended orchard of dwarf-sized, bitter, angry, lonely, sick trees. And our fruit is dormant. We need that ancient nourishing sap to be the blood running through our viens.

That rare fruit hung on a tree long ago for us. He beckons us to partake of Him. And this time, we’ll graft Him into our hearts. Because we’re the dying trees that need revival.

Devotional

Face the Book

April 19, 2014

Facebook. We’re either all in or want nothing to do with it. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much time I spend on it. I’m not knocking Facebook at all. I think it’s an ingenious social media tool, if used wisely.

But I find myself scrolling for fifteen minutes at a time or more reading posts and looking at pics, “liking” this, getting upset over that. Sometimes feeling frustrated that I just wasted fifteen minutes or more. But I continue to check in periodically. Let’s tell the truth, many of us do. I’ve even vowed to stay away but when I find myself procrastinating on what I should be doing or have a little down time here and there, I tap on my Facebook app.

Facebook allows us to present our best side but it’s just a snapshot, at most. We have control over what people know and what they see. The real “us” is facing the screen, not plastered on Facebook. And we know it.

Some use Facebook to create a self they’d like to be and some are what my husband calls Facebook preachers, always telling people what they should be or shouldn’t be doing. Others are blatantly rude, publically threaten to “unfriend” anyone who sends them another Candy Crush game request or they let everybody know they’re purging people from their friend list instead of just quietly doing it. I never quite understood that one.

Facebook is making us act weird. I don’t want to be weird like that. That’s why I’m writing this post as a reminder.

But more important than acting weird to me is the question of priorities and time well spent. As I get older, the reality of the brevity of life sinks like a heavy weight in my soul.

Facebook serves as a reminder to constantly question who I really am and what I should be doing with my time, and ultimately, with my life. Spending time on Facebook isn’t going to really help me answer those questions. But sticking my face in another book will.

We can go around reading what others have to say about us, life, or God or we can go straight to the source who created us. I opt for the latter because we’re all really just searching for those honest-to-goodness answers that only He can provide.

The Bible is uncanny in reflecting an accurate image of us, and simultaneously providing the wisdom to transform that image as well.

It’s always time to face the book.

Devotional

Suddenly

March 12, 2014

I woke up this morning, looked out my window and was struck by the blanket of snow covering everything. Pure, milk-colored snow. I was expecting it but when I actually saw it, its beauty captivated my eyes. And it reminded me of God. The way He suddenly changes things in our lives. Suddenly, the waiting is over. Suddenly, the pain is over. Suddenly, hope shoots up like Spring in our hearts. Suddenly, God…

A few days ago a kindred spirit spoke to me of God’s “suddenlies” and to have an expectant heart. I’ve decided to keep my eyes peeled, and I hope you will too. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t lose hope for that miracle. Keep believing because what He promises He fulfills. Take a moment to read the messages God sends to you through nature; all those subtle reminders of God moving all around you. He’s nearer than you think. Can you feel His breath?

You may be smack dab in the middle of a storm, but a sudden move of God can drastically change the course of your life at just the right time. I know this to be true in mine. Years of waiting suddenly turned on a dime. It was over and orchestrated with so much love that when the fog of pain lifted, I was able to look back and see God’s fingerprints molding it all for my good.

As time goes by, I hope to see more clearly, but not with my eyes.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. You don’t have to see it to believe it. You have to believe it to see it.

Wait for His suddenly. It’s coming!