I’ve realized that sometimes when you’re doing a good thing, the enemy throws a monkey wrench to mess things up, and sometimes it just feels like he throws a torpedo at us, right? Like it comes out of left field and we’re blindsided.

So for me, fear was thrown into the mix when I was taking care of my loving grandparents years ago. At the same time I was taking care of them, I experienced emotional abuse from someone close to me and the torment I felt was relentless. The person inflicting the abuse was also experiencing fear of their own and fear breeds torment. 

The fear felt like my feet were petrified in cement and I didn’t see a way out of it.

Fear had become the silent dictator in my life. I was literally walking on eggshells every day for years, bowing to fear.

And even after my grandparents went to be with the Lord, and my caretaking years were over, and I was set free from the emotional abuse, I didn’t know how to live in freedom because I had grown accustomed to living as a prisoner.

After fifteen years of being a caretaker at home, I was thrust into the workforce. I began working with federal prisoners at a halfway house and I was still grieving all my losses.

At the same time, this new season in my life was like a three-year exhale for me. It was as if God was allowing the eye of the storm to hover over me. When a hurricane initially passes over land, the eye of the storm brings calm but when the back end of the storm reaches you, you’re caught up in some terrifying, strong winds.

And then it happened! The tail end of the storm came. I experienced my first panic attack at work. And the torment was back. That experience had me face to face with the fears and emotional pain I had stuffed into the depths of my soul.

The anxiety attacks, as difficult as they were, served the purpose of testing my faith and to show ME, not God, what I was made of. Because God already knew.

God is concerned that we know so that we can confront our struggles and not repress them, so that we can hand them over to Him for transformational healing.

God can allow and use a difficult experience to ruffle our feathers so to speak, to make us uncomfortable so that we don’t stay where we are in complacency, whether it’s habitual negative behaviors, feelings or thoughts.

He doesn’t want any of us to be a captive to our feelings, despite our circumstances. And He works with us, and He’s patient, and He knows exactly when enough is enough.

Some of us cry, punch a pillow, or scream to release our feelings. And sometimes we try to release them in ways that harm ourselves and others or both, through sex, addictions or violence. But as much as we try to get rid of them, sometimes they just linger, and fester, and root themselves in our souls and sometimes they paralyze us and don’t let us move forward in our relationship with God, in our relationships with each other and in our callings.

When we stay in a comfort zone it keeps us stagnant and it doesn’t increase our faith. Looking back, I can thankfully say that the anxiety I experienced was used as a catalyst for freedom. It challenged me to step outside of my comfort zone, to move forward in my spiritual journey.

I believe that God is calling us out of our settlements, our comfort zones, our fears, our pain, and even our security, if it is anything or anyone beside God. And sometimes He does that through divine interruptions.

Some of you may feel like you’re stuck in your feelings or in your circumstances, like there’s no way out, like you can’t control them, or make them go away?

MIRACLE AT THE POOL OF BETHESDA

In the beginning of chapter five in the Gospel of John, we find a story of people gathered at the pool of Bethesda in Jerusalem. They were by the pool because they were sick, they were blind, they were lame, they were withered, but most importantly, they were WAITING to be healed!

² Now there is in Jerusalem by the sheep gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew Bethesda, having five porticoes. ³ In these lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, [waiting for the moving of the waters; ⁴ for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was made well from whatever disease with which he was afflicted.] ⁵ A man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. ⁶ When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?” ⁷ The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” ⁸ Jesus said to him, “Get up, pick up your pallet and walk.”⁹ Immediately the man became well, and picked up his pallet and began to walk.

According to the biblical text, it says that an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water and whoever got in first was made well.

Many of the old Greek manuscripts that our English version was translated from don’t have verses 3-5. And some biblical commentators propose that those pools were associated with pagan temples nearby and that the expectation for healing wasn’t from the God of Israel but other gods.

And it made me think about how we are quick to dip into the pool of this world for answers to our problems, for healing for our conditions. The world offers scores of ideas, tips, tricks, and methods for emotional healing but do they really hold the keys to our healing?

There was one particular man there at the pool who had been ill for 38 years. Verse 6 says, When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?”

The sick man answered, “Sir, I have no man to put me in the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”

Some of us are scratching our heads and saying, wrong answer. The sick man didn’t exactly answer the way we would have expected, right?! He was supposed to say, YES! I want to be made well!

But that’s easy for us to say when it wasn’t us in that situation.

But guess what, he is us.

Can we honestly say we haven’t waved away God’s offer for healing because we were stuck in believing that our deliverance, our wholeness comes from something or someone other than Jesus?

How many times have we made excuses to God because we really didn’t have a full revelation of who Jesus really is? Jesus introduced Himself and His authority to the sick man but the sick man didn’t know who he was!

¹² They asked him, “Who is the man who said to you, ‘Pick up your pallet and walk’?” ¹³ But the man who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had slipped away while there was a crowd in that place.

We look to exercises and breathing techniques and therapy for relief and all that can help temporarily but it isn’t the answer.

It’s not how we breathe but what we breathe.

It’s not about physical posture but where we stand.

It’s not what we say, but what He says.

It’s not how we feel, but what He reveals.

Jesus simply said to the sick man…

Get up.

Pick up your mat.

And walk.

Get up.

Notice that Jesus didn’t respond to what the sick man said to him about not having someone to put him in the pool at the stirring of the waters. The sick man was stuck in his past thinking and believing. He didn’t realize that his wholeness was standing right in front of Him. Jesus refused to leave Him there. He simply commanded freedom for the sick man.

Pick up your mat.

Don’t settle into your toxic emotions. Don’t accept it! “This is just the way I am, this is my personality, this is my lot in life.” No! Jesus has something better for you. He has a new land for you to abide in.

And walk. 

This wasn’t really about walking physically. Jesus is way more concerned with us walking in faith. He’s concerned with setting the captives FREE, free from the clutches of sin, the torment of fear, our fiery anger, an unforgiving heart, the control of our emotions.

That’s why He tells us to walk. So that we can know that we’re FREE. That spiritual walk is done in faith. You can be in a wheelchair and be the FREEST person alive and you can be trotting the globe and be a prisoner spiritually.

Jesus asks us to walk. Why? Because He’s taking us toward our destination—into His presence.

OUT OF OUR SETTLEMENTS, INTO HIS PROMISED LAND

Jesus is saying to us, these toxic, incarcerating emotions, isn’t where I want you settled. LOVE, HOPE, FAITH that is our inheritance! That is the promised land and its treasures! That is what we’re walking toward in faith. If Jesus is not there, that is not your promised land!

The promised land is not a place, it’s a person! It’s God’s presence. God Himself is your promised land. It isn’t about an earthly plot of land, or a spouse, or success, or fortune, or homes, or children. He is your treasure and your great reward!

Jesus isn’t settling for you being a captive to your emotions and neither should you! He has so much more. But we have to be willing to do our part and walk away from the lies, our past, our fears.

And when we walk away from all that in faith, we may walk away with scars from our battles but we’re given a treasure that doesn’t compare to what we lost.

And you know what? The sick man’s healing wasn’t the best God had for him.

The best God has for you and me is the revelation of knowing Jesus and that only happens when we get up, pick up our mats, and walk into a deeper relationship with the God who offers us the keys to freedom from the grip of our emotions.

LOVE, HOPE, FAITH

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on the idea that thoughts, feelings and behaviors are connected and influence each other. So you can’t deal with your emotions without assessing what you’re thinking about, what you believe, and what you’re doing.

Feelings are usually driven by three thoughts:

1. What you think about yourself.
2. What you think about what someone else said/did or didn’t do for or to you.
3. What you think about what God did/didn’t do for you?

I think its safe to say that toxic feelings usually stem from a relational issue. And I believe that it’s a relational issue that will solve it!

So the first key to freedom that God offers us from the grip of toxic or controlling emotions is relational and it involves our relationship with God.

The 1^st key is love.

We’re all going to feel angry, lonely, sad, and scared sometimes. But I’m persuaded that the root of our emotional imbalances, meaning, feeling too much anger, too much fear, too much sadness, too much loneliness, is not knowing we are LOVED!

There’s ONE relationship that can fix that. God’s love is perfect. There are no holes in it, no lack, no fickleness. It’s faithful, it’s sacrificial, it’s always thinking about what’s best for us.

If God is for you, WHO can be against you? It may feel like the world is against you, out to get you but God is there. He is the ONLY CONSTANT in your life and the one that can meet all of your emotional needs and then some.

So why not get to know the person that knows us better than ourselves? Why do we run to others for healing, why do we listen to half-truths instead of what God says?

God wants you to know Him as your Father—the One who loves you, protects you, provides for you, withholds no good thing from you and has your best interest at heart.

Ask Him to reveal Himself to your heart. Prioritize spending time with Him alone. That’s been a huge key in my freedom. Knowing that I’m His dear daughter has been a game changer! I’ve learned to trust Him as I’ve gotten to know Him deeper.

The 2^nd key is hope.

The 2^nd key is hope because hope fuels faith. One of the ways I continue to get to know my Father is through His word. Saturate your mind with the truth of who God is and who He says you are. And intentionally turn of all the other negative voices in your life.

Without good news, what do people have to hope in? God offers you good news to give you hope; to shine a light in the midst of your darkness. That good news is found in His word. Make a habit to be in His word!

The 3^rd key is faith.

The struggle over your emotions ends when you choose to BELIEVE the Truth found in His word—what Jesus did for you and how much He loves you.

The fight of faith isn’t to fight your emotions but to BELIEVE!  Position yourself to believe by knowing the Truth, because faith comes by hearing and hearing WHAT? The word of God!

When you find yourself in the chaos of human weakness and the whirlwind of emotions, remember this, God is constant! God is faithful! God never leaves you! God loves YOU! Find your safe space in Him! Settle into His truth and the mind of Christ will influence your emotions and set you free.

I want you to become a prisoner with me, but this time we’re not held captive by fear, or depression, or pain, or our past but by hope.

… prisoners of hope is what we’ll be.

This post was adapted from a talk I gave for the first time at a women’s brunch in Chicago this past December after years of the enemy trying to silence my voice through fear.